We all make mistakes, and we do so with regularity. Some errors are small, some not so. No one enjoys being wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotional experience for all of us. The question is how do we respond when it turns out we WERE wrong?
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Some of us admit we were wrong and say so. Some of us kind of imply we were wrong, but we don’t do so without any conviction. But some people refuse to admit they’re wrong, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
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What about when a person deny’s the facts, when they simply cannot admit they were wrong in any circumstance? What in their psychological makeup makes it impossible for them to admit they were wrong?
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The answer is related to their ego. Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution”, that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong, is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate. Accepting they were wrong, would be so psychologically shattering, their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so — they literally distort the facts to make it less threatening, so they are no longer wrong or culpable.
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People who repeatedly exhibit this kind of behavior are, by definition, psychologically fragile. These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos. Admitting we are wrong is unpleasant, it is bruising for any ego. It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to admit we are wrong and own up to our mistakes.
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When people are unable to admit they’re wrong, when they cannot tolerate the very notion that they are capable of mistakes, or their held view is perhaps misguided, it is because they suffer from an ego so fragile that they cannot get over it — they need to warp their perception and challenge obvious facts in order to defend their not being wrong in the first place.
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How we respond to such people is up to us. The one mistake we should not make is to consider their persistent and rigid refusal to admit they’re wrong as a sign of strength, or conviction, because it is the absolute opposite — psychological weakness and fragility. ??
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“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee
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? Photo Credit: Bruce Lee Enterprises, LLC: With thanks to Guy Winch
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