(Approx 2 minute 35 second read)

A key element in any self-defense situation is self-control. It’s not just about staying calm – it’s about staying in charge of yourself.
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You can’t allow someone else to manipulate you by pushing your emotional buttons. I’ve been in situations where people have tried to provoke me, using words to bait me into action.
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But the ability to remain calm and collected, even under extreme pressure, is essential. It’s about staying focused, not letting emotions take over, and choosing the best response for the situation.
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That’s not to say it’s always easy. I’ll admit, there have been times when I’ve failed this test. Even with years of training, self-control can be tricky, especially in the chaos of daily life. I’ve spent my career practicing how to stay composed in high-stress situations. It was part of my job – being calm under pressure was not optional. And I was often praised for it. Yet now, in semi-retirement, I find myself struggling in ways I didn’t before.
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Take driving, for example. These days, the ‘red mist’ seems to descend on me more often than I’d like to admit. Watching people blatantly ignore driving laws or act recklessly on the road – it’s infuriating.
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I try to remind myself that losing my temper won’t change a thing, but in those moments, it’s easier said than done. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, patience isn’t what it used to be, and I have less tolerance for idiots and nonsense.
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This has made me reflect on what self-control really means. It’s not about being perfect or never feeling anger or frustration. Those are human emotions; they’re going to happen. Self-control is about how we handle those emotions – what we choose to do with them. And like anything else in life, it’s a skill that requires practice.
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The martial arts teaches us that self-control isn’t just about keeping your emotions in check; it’s also about mastering your actions. Every time you step onto the dojo floor, you’re practicing control – over your body, your mind, and your reactions.
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It’s easy to stay calm in a structured environment where the rules are clear. But life doesn’t come with rules or a referee. It’s more like a chaotic sparring session where the punches are coming from unexpected directions.
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As I get older, I realize that self-control is something I have to continually work at. Some days are better than others, but what matters is the effort. The older I get, the more I appreciate that self-control isn’t about perfection – it’s about progress. It’s about catching yourself when you start to lose your cool and reminding yourself of what really matters.
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Self-control is often tested in big ways, just like self-defense scenarios, but also in small, everyday moments. Those moments can reveal the true depth of our training. They show us whether we’ve really internalized the lessons we’ve learned or if we still have work to do. And let’s be honest, we all have work to do.
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For me, self-control has become less about following a strict set of rules and more about trying to handle things better than I did yesterday. Some days I succeed, and some days, well… let’s just say I could do with a little more practice.
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Self-control really is a lifelong lesson. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about catching yourself when you’re about to go off the rails and finding a way back. Whether it’s in the dojo, behind the wheel, or in the middle of life’s chaos, it’s something worth working on every single day, finding your way through the ‘red mist’.
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And I’m still learning.
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Written by Adam Carter – Shuri Dojo