Making connections with students, through humor, kindness, likability, and more is important in any dojo. It can also be astonishingly rewarding. However, you should never be friends with students. Friendly, yes. Friends, no. There is a danger in building relationships with students and that line can never be crossed….. Be a teacher, mentor, and role model, but never a friend.
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Students quit; give up; get distracted; get impatient; they find it gets too difficult. There are so many reasons to stop training, some of which are beyond the control of an instructor.
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Close relationships are formed through many years of martial arts training and it can be hard on your instructor and fellow students if you quit without saying goodbye.
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Quitting is easy.
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People quit martial arts because they are hard. Really and truly hard. Every single student will eventually quit. Unfortunately commitment to learning is only a promise, a promise that is rarely kept, it’s not a guarantee.
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While students may quit in different ways and for differing reasons, one thing is consistent. They rarely talk to their instructor about any difficulties they maybe experiencing before they make the decision to quit.
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There are a myriad of reasons for quitting. However, the way people quit is similar. They will often tell their instructor by text or email after they have made the decision to leave. Some just stop training without even telling their instructor. Others will say they are taking a break, but in our experience few will ever return to training.
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The truth is that students will come, and they will go. It’s a shame, as some of them show such a great deal of potential. But there are students who have left me disappointed, who were too lazy to apply themselves, doing just the bare minimum. I have a great deal more respect for the mediocre student who works hard, shows great enthusiasm and just turns up in spite of everything.
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We share a common interest with students, but there should always be balance and boundaries. In every interaction, we must remain teacher/student, mentor/mentee, but never a true friend. A teacher’s foremost job is to educate students, not befriend them. Do you agree?