(Approx 2 minute 20 second read)

We all want to be liked. Whether it’s for our many talents, sharp intelligence, warm personalities, or – okay, maybe not for our amazing dance moves – it’s natural to seek validation from others.
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But when we start depending on what people think of us to feel happy, we get into trouble. Their opinions suddenly become the yardstick by which we measure our lives, and we begin shaping ourselves to fit their expectations.
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When that happens, we lose something important: who we truly are. The only version of reality we see is the one we think others see, and that’s no way to live.
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It doesn’t help that some people seem constantly preoccupied with what others are saying – especially on social media. They stress about things that have nothing to do with them, spending energy on the opinions of people who aren’t even paying attention.
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Here’s the truth: most people aren’t thinking about you. They’re too busy worrying about themselves. And if they do have an opinion about you, chances are it’s not something they’ve given much thought to – it’s just a passing comment, often influenced by how they’re feeling at the time.
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So why take it personally? Another person’s opinion of you says more about them than it does about you. And honestly, it’s none of your business.
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Stop worrying about their opinions, especially if they’re critical or unhappy. Negativity usually comes from negative people, so don’t let their feedback drag you down.
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If you dwell on what others might be saying, you’ll convince yourself you’re being judged even when you’re not. The truth is, most people really don’t care that much.
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Life is short. Do you really want to spend precious time worrying about what someone else thinks? Living a life where others tell you who to be and what to want? Or do you want to decide for yourself who you are and what matters most?
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This struggle isn’t just hypothetical – it’s something I’ve faced myself. When I write and share my thoughts, I care about how they’re received. I’ve caught myself thinking about a critical comment or someone’s opinion longer than I should, even when I know it doesn’t truly matter.
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What I’ve come to realize is that not all feedback is meaningful. Someone recently wrote that: “you are bull****”. The majority of the people who read and comment on my articles don’t know me at all. I’ve been quietly involved in the martial arts for over 50 years, but it’s only a few years ago that I decided to write, encouraged by my students.
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People’s reactions are often more about their own experiences, beliefs, or even mood at the time, rather than anything I’ve done. If I let those passing opinions affect me too much, I’d lose the freedom to write honestly and authentically.
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This is something I continue to work on – reminding myself that not everyone’s perspective deserves space in my head.
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Letting go of what others think isn’t easy, but it’s a skill worth learning. Like any skill, it takes practice. But once you start to let go, you’ll see the world – and yourself – in an entirely new way.
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As Buddha is often quoted: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”
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Written by Adam Carter – Shuri Dojo
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Photo Credit: Me over 35 years ago.
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