(Approx 1 minute 55 second read)

At some point in our lives, we’ve all held grudges. It’s a natural reaction when someone wrongs or frustrates us. But as martial artists, we are taught to rise above our emotions, to channel them constructively rather than letting them control us. Yet, grudges and resentment can creep in, undermining our training, and our relationships.
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Grudges often stem from unresolved anger. If left unchecked, they can fester, growing into lasting animosity – or worse, hatred. And hatred is a dangerous opponent. It consumes energy, clouds judgment, and disrupts focus – the very qualities we strive to hone.
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Hatred can become a kind of obsession, pulling us away from the discipline and balance we cultivate through practice. In the martial arts, where respect, humility, and self-control are core principles, harboring hatred is poisonous.
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So why do we hate? Clinical psychologist Dana Harron suggests that the qualities we despise in others often reflect fears or insecurities within ourselves.
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This dynamic – “I’m not the problem; you are” – can easily play out in the martial arts. Perhaps we resent a more skilled partner, feel slighted by an instructor’s critique, or struggle to accept our own limitations. But hatred, while deeply human, is ultimately a learned emotion, one that thrives in the absence of compassion.
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The path to overcoming grudges and hatred begins with the same principles we practice in the martial arts: discipline, reflection, and empathy. Rather than letting assumptions or frustration control you, pause. Ask yourself, “Why am I holding on to this?” and “What might I not be seeing?” Reflecting on the situation – much like analyzing a mistake in kata or drills – allows us to identify the root of our emotions and address them constructively.
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I believe it’s a good idea to approach others with curiosity rather than judgment. Consider their perspective, and ask, “What led them to act this way?”
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The martial arts teach us to respect our opponents, to understand their movements and intentions. The same applies off the mat. By seeking to understand, it can help to dissolve animosity and build mutual respect.
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Letting go of anger and hatred is not a sign of weakness but of intelligence. It frees your mind, sharpens your focus, and allows you to progress not just as a martial artist but as a person.
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Hatred and grudges corrupt the individual holding them, not their target. They can make you ill and sometimes irrational. Don’t let them dictate your journey in the martial arts – or in life. Let go. Find peace. And move forward with clarity and purpose.
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“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
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Written by Adam Carter – Shuri Dojo