I’m going to ask you to trust me on this. ?

What I’ve realized over the years in working with countless people, is that there is nothing as vital to a relationship, with your sensei, students, friend or family, as fragile as trust. Psychologists tell us that the first emotional bond we all develop is trust. 

It’s because trust is so intimately woven into our psyches that it is so incredibly difficult to change. To be blunt, people are either trustworthy or they are not. That doesn’t mean they’re good or bad. It just means you can’t place your trust in what they say or what they promise.

So, how do you spot someone who shouldn’t be trusted? And why does it matter?

One of the most striking behaviors of untrustworthy people is that they see themselves in ways that are simply inconsistent with reality. When you encounter someone who seems disconnected from the actual impact that their actions and behaviors are having, it’s a sure sign that they are trying to create a perception that conforms to their desires, rather than to any reality. 

People who are untrustworthy also have an amazingly consistent habit of accusing others of behaviors that they themselves are exhibiting or are contemplating.

Confidentiality, when agreed to (and in the absence of any illicit or illegal activity), is for me a sacred bond. Once someone has broken a pledge of confidentiality, there is no second chance. Because that person has already demonstrated a desire to gain favor with others, that is greater than his or respect for you. This one for me is nonnegotiable.

They show a lack of empathy. This is perhaps the one shared behavior of nearly every untrustworthy person. They are able to rationalize being untrustworthy by diminishing the impact, pain, damage, or inconvenience they cause to you and to others.

Finally, their emotional state is volatile, and they have a pattern of inconsistency in their decisions, and they are unpredictable, especially in regard to one’s loyalties or affections.

None of these behaviors described here make someone a bad person. But that’s because you understand the value of trust. What you’re dealing with is someone who does not. 

If you see these behaviors consistently in someone, you need to consider carefully the degree to which that person deserves your trust. Whether it is your instructor, student or friend. 

Seriously; trust me on this one! ???

“You’re on the right path. Keep doing what you do. Don’t give up……At the end of the day, it all boils down to trust. Trust yourself. Trust your sensei. Trust your training. Mastering Karate is not a goal. It’s a journey….. Trust me.” ~ Jesse Enkamp

? Photo credit and with thanks to: Jesse Enkamp .